The Stories We Tell Ourselves
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Hey Indiepreneurs,
A few months ago, I read a book that delved into the stories that we tell ourselves. The author, Brené Brown, recounted a story about a meeting with her team. The meeting was running long, so Ms. Brown suggested moving an agenda item to the bottom of the list.
One of the employees paused the conversation and said something like, “The story I’m telling myself right now is that you pushed my agenda item because you find it unimportant.”
As I was reading the book, I thought his reaction silly. Of course that’s not why she moved the agenda item. They were running out of time, and some items would have to wait for another day.
And yet, when I had my own recent critical conversation I used that very phrase: “the story I’m telling myself.” And as silly as I thought when I first heard it, it is actually empowering.
We all have stories we tell ourselves. Often, like the child who is scared of the dark, when we shine a light on our thoughts it’s clear own ridiculous we’re being. It’s just that cartoon devil in our brain, distracting the angel version then whispering in our ear.
Yet, no matter how ridiculous it might be, removing that belief can be nearly impossible.
When something goes wrong, there’s a natural reaction to blame someone else. My son is the master of this, where he can be walking by himself and trip yet somehow still lash out at me for causing him to fall.
This is where the power of “the story I’m telling myself” comes in. If a project doesn’t work out, there are a million stories I tell myself. If I start pointing fingers, defenses go up. If, however, I go to my boss/coworker/friends/etc. with “the story I’m telling myself,” I’m not blaming anyone. I’m saying what’s in my head. I’m admitting I could be totally wrong. And with that humility, I’m asking for an honest and open discussion about what we can do better.
It’s certainly not a magic bullet. Other people’s stories might make this conversation ineffective (like all conversations, it has to go both ways). But brining up a crucial point to you without the blame is going to get you where you want to be better than the often cathartic fault finding.
The Links
- Perhaps the most important topic of our time: how to stop the next super volcano.
- This new stop motion video game on Kickstarter brings me back to 8th Grade.
- It seems weird to be exciting about a speaker, but I’m genuinely excited about the Sonos Roam. It’ll finally allow us to put our turn table on our Sonos system without buying their really expensive stuff.
Service Dog Update
Sherman is getting there. He’s 11 months old now, and he’s still a puppy. But he’s finally starting to consistently listen again. He comes when called, he sits on command, and he only whines at other dogs he wants to play with a little bit.
We do have a problem, though. Our neighborhood seems to be a constant rotation of dogs, including in the various back yards that butt up to our own. Our neighbors have a new dog that has become very interested in Sherman. And by very interested I mean pushing so hard on the fence that he has knocked down several pickets.
Sherman thinks the dog wants to play. Since I’m not a dog, I’ll admit that I might not be able to read other dog’s intentions as well as him. But typically when a 120 pound dog pushes down a fence so he can bark ferociously through the newly opened hole, it doesn’t exactly seem like a friendly “the story I’m telling myself” kind of conversation.
